I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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