Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
