someone threw a dead crab at me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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