The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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