i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
