Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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