it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
