Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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