I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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