yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
