Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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