clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
