did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
