I think scott just propositioned me for sex
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
