He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
