this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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