you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
