i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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