i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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