we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
