i barfeds in our rink
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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