I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
