Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize