Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
