Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea

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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...

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(518): View more from New York

Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest

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(916): View more from California

I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

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(301): View more from Maryland

I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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(913): View more from Kansas

my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...

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(828): View more from North Carolina

You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.

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