The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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