I will die if light touches me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
