So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize