he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize