oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
