there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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