guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
