all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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