It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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