Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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