i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
