i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The struggles of a small town man whore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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