She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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