um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
