checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
