Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
