So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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