you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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