i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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