i will never coherently bang her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
