i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
