i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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