I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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