Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
