My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
