true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
