Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize