So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize