Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
