He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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