My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We left the knife in your bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
