69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am naked and annoyed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
