Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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