I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
