Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
