I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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