so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
