I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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