I heard we made out
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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