How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
