Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just pee around me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize