Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
