it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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