if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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