We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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